here's my life...
i can't even begin to fully disclose how my life has changed these last two weeks. they have been more trying than anything i have ever had to deal with, and yet, while i have seemingly been taking emotional and spiritual blows every time i turn around, i've grown immensely through it all. this semester has been so overwhelming, it's just been more than i can take, to the point that i've decided almost for certain to drop my biology class, which is a move that i didn't foresee myself ever doing. i'm not a quitter, and i don't give up easily, so to reach the stage that i feel my only option is to drop the class is quite something. recently i have also been feeling somewhat strongly that i need to investigate the communicative disorders major. i can't explain why i feel like that, i don't even know a whole lot about it, but it just hit me and has been in the forefront of my mind. so, with the dropping of my biology class, i'm hoping to get into the intro class for that major, i just have to come up with $175 because i missed the drop/add date, so i have to pay extra for the extra credits, which is supremely depressing, but i feel strongly enough that i think i'm going to invest in it. i'm really hoping that this is truly where i should be because up to now i've not had any leading strong enough for me to declare a major.
ok, so that's the school aspect of my difficulties. other things causing me to stumble has been spiritual. last weekend i had what can only be described as an intense spiritual battle going on inside me. it was horrible. i was miserable and at the end of my rope. however, since last weekend, i have grown in my faith more than ever before. i had to have my world crumble, and have the foundation strengthened, before i could start to build it back up again. this is not to say that my week has been easy, far from it. i've still been bombarded with hurdles to feebly stumble over, but i've stayed standing because i'm being held up by God, who has been my only source of peace and true comfort. this brings me to another very painful development in my life, the announcement that my grandma probably has cancer. that was the final blow, the one that put me over the top. i had continually been shown this past week that i can't continue alone, and i had put my hope in Jesus, but i was still so emotionally battered that the phone call was more than i could take. i'd love to be able to say that i'm standing strong because i've put it all in God's hands, but i can't, because i've found myself a bit emotionally detached to prevent more hurting, so i'm not feeling a lot in regards to that. consequently, i've had a hard time truly presenting it to God. it was almost exactly a year ago that my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer, and i'm in doubt that he'll live till christmas, so the word cancer has such a strong and vicious picture of death associated with it that i can't think past that. needless to say, i've been struggling and staggering through each day, but i'm still alive. again, my friends have been supporting me and helping me get by, which i so appreciate. though all of this has been so difficult, and i haven't enjoyed it, i can't really say i regret it because of the personal growth i've seen. if i had not been tested, my faith never would have grown. so, while there's been a lot of pain, this has been very good for me.
oh, and one last thing to add to the story with mark. at the staff meeting, each staff member had to bring something from their room that they would save if they were to lose everything else. well mark brought his journal and said he'd read an entry. the entry said, 'i think melanie likes me cause she calls me a lot.' that's all he said and no one explained the joke to those who didn't know! my brother didn't know cause he'd be gone, but he played along with it saying, Yeah, i've been encouraging her to call you. and then he and mark started talking about being brother in laws and going fishing...weird eh??? it's quite funny, and now the WHOLE staff knows. oh joy....ok, bubye
ok, so that's the school aspect of my difficulties. other things causing me to stumble has been spiritual. last weekend i had what can only be described as an intense spiritual battle going on inside me. it was horrible. i was miserable and at the end of my rope. however, since last weekend, i have grown in my faith more than ever before. i had to have my world crumble, and have the foundation strengthened, before i could start to build it back up again. this is not to say that my week has been easy, far from it. i've still been bombarded with hurdles to feebly stumble over, but i've stayed standing because i'm being held up by God, who has been my only source of peace and true comfort. this brings me to another very painful development in my life, the announcement that my grandma probably has cancer. that was the final blow, the one that put me over the top. i had continually been shown this past week that i can't continue alone, and i had put my hope in Jesus, but i was still so emotionally battered that the phone call was more than i could take. i'd love to be able to say that i'm standing strong because i've put it all in God's hands, but i can't, because i've found myself a bit emotionally detached to prevent more hurting, so i'm not feeling a lot in regards to that. consequently, i've had a hard time truly presenting it to God. it was almost exactly a year ago that my uncle was diagnosed with brain cancer, and i'm in doubt that he'll live till christmas, so the word cancer has such a strong and vicious picture of death associated with it that i can't think past that. needless to say, i've been struggling and staggering through each day, but i'm still alive. again, my friends have been supporting me and helping me get by, which i so appreciate. though all of this has been so difficult, and i haven't enjoyed it, i can't really say i regret it because of the personal growth i've seen. if i had not been tested, my faith never would have grown. so, while there's been a lot of pain, this has been very good for me.
oh, and one last thing to add to the story with mark. at the staff meeting, each staff member had to bring something from their room that they would save if they were to lose everything else. well mark brought his journal and said he'd read an entry. the entry said, 'i think melanie likes me cause she calls me a lot.' that's all he said and no one explained the joke to those who didn't know! my brother didn't know cause he'd be gone, but he played along with it saying, Yeah, i've been encouraging her to call you. and then he and mark started talking about being brother in laws and going fishing...weird eh??? it's quite funny, and now the WHOLE staff knows. oh joy....ok, bubye
posted by Melanie at 6:17 PM
8 Comments:
albha lbah blah blah blah blah blah
depression sets in and then mark changes your life. story of them all.
heh, good times continue with mark....
it is sooooo good to hear that you feel like you're growing spiritually through your struggles. keep up the good work! toodles
haha, this thing with mark is so odd. i'm just the body and name. my hall director is even making light of it. she told me today that i was going to have to tell her about my 'date with mark' Oh...and the staff in my hall thought that mark and i would be ideal candidates for the homecoming king and queen contest. they said they needed a pretty face, but i can't make the meeting...so oh look...i'm not doing it...hahaha
MELANIE!! FIND A LOOP HOLE! YOU AND MARK ARE SOUL MATES AND THIS IS GOD'S WAY OF SHOWING YOU! DON'T PASS THIS OPPORTUNITY CAUSE YOU ARE A SUPPORTER OF SFASU!! I LOVE WUSUP!! GOOOOOOOOOO POINTERS!! YAH HOMECOMING!! you will be queen.
here's another comment where i'm not yelling the whole time. i love you.
goodness allison...what are you on??? and what loop hole are you talking about?
i mean a loop hole to since you can't make the meeting, you can't be queen. i bet you can be queen if you have a good excuse. that's why you would have a loophole.
even if i found a loop hole, in order for me to be queen, the student body of UWSP would have to vote for me more than the other candidates. and what are the chances of that happening? zero.
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