stress is starting to attack me and for no explainable reason unhappy feelings of guilt over things that don't make sense or even really relate to me are piling up. i feel like i'm a hinderence to people. like somehow i pull people down and prevent them from achieving greatness. for the moment i feel like the only way to rectify that would be to totally step back away from everyone. i can't rationalize any of this. how i could be hindering greatness i don't know, i can't fully explain it, but i don't like it. and part of me feels like everything i want, things i dream about and envision for myself, is exactly what i can't have. not because it wouldn't be good for me, but because it's too good for me, that i don't deserve it and am foolish to ever think i did. my mind is going in circles. today just isn't a happy day. there's a powerful and unexplainable feeling drifting around. i'm quite certain i know the source of this gloom though. the powers at work in this world at every moment are stronger than we can ever imagine.
and then there's finals... until anatomy this morning i wasn't feeling stressed almost at all. i was feeling ready to leave, but not overwhelmed and burnt out like i usually am during finals. and then during anatomy the grim reality that that final will be no walk in the park smacked me in the face. i can't just breeze through everything... life doesn't work like that. i've got a heavy cloud of gloom hanging over me... we'll call it reality. i can't make myself excited about anything right now. *sigh* at least this past weekend was enjoyable.