life...
with time you learn that life comes and life goes, fairness can be a rarity, dreaming is the safest and most effective way of forgetting reality, what one wants is usually never easy to get and in general, living isn't easy.
i'm in my second week of the semester and i already feel like a burned out college student. doesn't help much that i'm heading home this weekend for the funeral of my grandmother, who i cared for most of my christmas break. this was expected, i had my time with her and my opportunity to say goodbye... but for nearly 18 years my grandparents lived 1/2 mile from my house. in 2003 my grandpa died suddenly. a shocker to be sure, but at least i still had gramma in that house. i still had family there for all 20 of my years. now... now i have a house. a house filled by her, but empty of her. i have memories, i have pictures and i had time. and i am happy about that, tempted almost to say satisfied by that, but in my mind, time stops at home when i'm away. things are not suppose to change and i'm not suppose to have to make weekend trips home in both semesters of one year for funerals of my loved ones. last week gramma was in that period of transition in death and told aunt barb that she had seen grandpa and he was waiting for her. when asked if she saw jesus, she said yes. i can't think of anything cooler than that. and ya know what? at this moment... my jesus is waiting for me. there are times that that's all i want. sure this life has it's perks and i have no intentions of prematurely giving up, but really... what does this life have that i should cling desperately to? this is my temporary time of imperfection and mistakes. life was designed by the ultimate creator who had a purpose and a plan, but in my humanity, i more than often wish for an easier road. sometimes i just can't help but long for artificial happiness just to get me by. true joy in everything can be a hard thing to seek and even harder to learn how to find. *sigh* the lessons of life are so vitally important, but the ways of learning most of them are oftentimes painful and hard. i've had a plentiful handful of those painful life lessons piled on me this school year. i feel exceedingly weak, but i guess i'm still standing, so that's a good sign... god keeps his promises. "But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
i'm in my second week of the semester and i already feel like a burned out college student. doesn't help much that i'm heading home this weekend for the funeral of my grandmother, who i cared for most of my christmas break. this was expected, i had my time with her and my opportunity to say goodbye... but for nearly 18 years my grandparents lived 1/2 mile from my house. in 2003 my grandpa died suddenly. a shocker to be sure, but at least i still had gramma in that house. i still had family there for all 20 of my years. now... now i have a house. a house filled by her, but empty of her. i have memories, i have pictures and i had time. and i am happy about that, tempted almost to say satisfied by that, but in my mind, time stops at home when i'm away. things are not suppose to change and i'm not suppose to have to make weekend trips home in both semesters of one year for funerals of my loved ones. last week gramma was in that period of transition in death and told aunt barb that she had seen grandpa and he was waiting for her. when asked if she saw jesus, she said yes. i can't think of anything cooler than that. and ya know what? at this moment... my jesus is waiting for me. there are times that that's all i want. sure this life has it's perks and i have no intentions of prematurely giving up, but really... what does this life have that i should cling desperately to? this is my temporary time of imperfection and mistakes. life was designed by the ultimate creator who had a purpose and a plan, but in my humanity, i more than often wish for an easier road. sometimes i just can't help but long for artificial happiness just to get me by. true joy in everything can be a hard thing to seek and even harder to learn how to find. *sigh* the lessons of life are so vitally important, but the ways of learning most of them are oftentimes painful and hard. i've had a plentiful handful of those painful life lessons piled on me this school year. i feel exceedingly weak, but i guess i'm still standing, so that's a good sign... god keeps his promises. "But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
posted by Melanie at 9:22 PM
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