i've come to the conclusion that impressions, like the impression you leave on a person after meeting them or getting to know them, are strange and unpredictable. you can do everything right, be the coolest person ever and praise this other person up and down... but that still doesn't mean that the impression you leave on their mind is that of someone in whom they necessarily want to invest a lot of time, or someone they even like at all. and how about relationships? things start out wonderful and adoration is abundant, but if/when it ends, what are you left with? that initial impression is now distorted, oftentimes trashed. and what about those people you think the world of, but the feeling isn't quite mutual? clearly one party didn't quite leave the impression they had hoped for, but what governs that? and what if you're that person who didn't leave the perfect impression? what if you've invested all you can and still are unable to leave an impression that makes that other person just long to be with you? is that when you have to take defeat and settle with what you've got? when do we draw the line? how much is too much and is there any way to become a more impressive person?

you're probably wondering what possessed my mind to head down this path... but i'm honestly not quite sure. i think part of it had to do with a conversation with lisa, but my mind is an untamed wilderness filled with random things, nothing has a clear cut reason it would seem. life is filled with so much unpredictability. not that that's a bad thing... i can't say that i enjoy everything being totally predictable... but sometimes life just defies logic, and in my defense, i'm a big supporter of logic. i appreciate common sense and i appreciate life moving along logically, not necessarily predictably, but logically. i suppose in the grand scheme of things, life is logical because of who created it, but wouldn't it be nice to be able understand and look back on a confusing situation and say, 'oh...well i guess that was logical'? i guess that's why impressions are frustrating to me... there is no visible logic in them at all! nothing about the human mind's way of picking who it likes and who it doesn't makes any sense. when god created us... he sure did an astonishing job of forming a being that is truly understandable only to the mind of an infinate creator. i guess that's why we have to live on blind faith. even if we had the answers, there is not a chance that we would understand them. and its a good thing i've got an eternity in heaven waiting for me... because it might just take me that long to rattle off all the questions my curiosity has sparked. *sigh* won't heaven be wonderful?