i can't stay here any longer. i need to be done. i want to quit and i want to not deal with people and projects and papers and exams any more. i don't want to go through 3 nerve wracking interviews bright and early tomorrow morning. i'm stressed and semi-freaking out about everything i have to do and i'm not even close to being as productive as i need to be. i lost a whole weekend because of my choir concerts and people being here. i accomplished nothing which drives me crazy. i don't want to listen to people complain anymore, but i want to retain full rights to complain about everything. i want to not have to be involved in pointless programs in my hall this week because frankly, i have no time or interest. i have too much to do for even my normal schedule, let alone shoving programs in there every single night. i'm in a horrible mood to go into interviews where i need to sell myself. great melanie... just great. i need to not be influenced by the crabby moods of others and i need my roommate to have a good week so that i can. i need some major inspiration for my research paper. i need some incredible memory for my anatomy exam. i need about 6 more hours per day to devote to studying. i need sleep. i need energy. i need to snap out of this mind set and mood. i need the rain outside to end.

so much of me wants to quit, but i can't do that... i just can't give up. this isn't even half as bad as finals will be. i need help. i want so badly to do well in everything i'm investing my time in this week... but i feel like it's not possible and that's what makes me want to quit before i try any more. i'm sad because i don't like letting myself down and i'm afraid i will. i've proved many times what i'm capable of, but still i have no confidence. why? i dislike stress. i need to focus. pray for me.